Today is “Back to the Future” Day, because this is the day that was set on the time-traveling Delorean’s clock to take Marty McFly to the future in 1989’s Back to the Future Part II. But is that all Hollywood has to say about the state of our next few years? Hardly.
Get ready. There’s bad news ahead. Forget hoverboards and start looking out for the following:
Back to the Future Part II
- The absolute best we can hope for is hoverboards. The worst: those hair and makeup styles, and the possibility that time travel will collapse the space-time continuum and we’re all dead. Which might be better than those styles.
The Dark Knight Rises
- Bane. That’s all I need to say. Though Bane can be very entertaining. And teach you about the importance of fiber in your diet. I say No, you say Survivors.
The Running Man
- Who loves you, and who do you love? Without further ado, it’s time to start running.
- Okay, so this is a wayback, but in 1975, Rollerball dreamed of a violent future where James Caan was injured but never hobbled.
Akira, Blade Runner, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, The Road
This is the year when all hell breaks loose. Feel fortunate if you make it to 2020.
- World War III is 31 years old and a kid with psychic powers can really ruin your day. Also, motorcycles.
- Androids dream of electric sheep. In the rain.
- The apes are pissed.
- A lot of people die, and an unnamed father and son take a really long bonding walk. I wonder how many FitBit steps they got.
- Kaijus. Lots of ’em. Better get a really big robot. PS Kaiju in Japanese means ‘that which will incite a sequel.’ (Hopefully, that’s true!)
- Keanu Reeves can store information in his brain. I realize this might seem far fetched to some. But, don’t forget that he knows Kung Fu.
- In a world of limited resources, we have too much of exactly one thing: people. So, this was inevitable.
X-Men: Days of Future Past
- This movie actually takes place all over time. So sue me. I needed something to fill in for 2023. Move along.
Highlander II: The Quickening
- Imagine a world where aliens arrive and totally ruin a good movie. This is that world. This is that time. God forbid it ever happens.
Her, Repo Man
- If you get into a relationship with a computer you haven’t paid off, you could be vaporized. But we’ll resell your boots.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
- Seven years later, monkeys are still pissed.
Metropolis, Children of Men
- Almost 90 years ago, someone thought this year would suck. That’s serious foresight.
- Also, if you’re pregnant, keep it to yourself. Trust me. And, at least in this case, it does not pay to have your name larger than others on the marquee.
- Now, I’d buy this year for a dollar. PS A single US dollar is worth $0.0000005643 in 2028.
- Despite the possibility for time travel paradoxes, if this post is a hit, “I’ll be back.”
All of the images in the chart are from their respective movies. Of course, I have absolutely no control over those images or their respective movies. I’m just a man, flesh and blood.